Let’s talk about a less attractive part of sex for a change. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), often referred to as sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), are incredibly common—unfortunately, myths about them are almost as common. Case in point, experts have recently pushed for them to be referred to as STIs because the word “disease” implies a medical issue with symptoms. In fact, many STDs have few or no symptoms, so it’s more accurate to describe them as a sexually transmitted virus or bacteria that leads to an infection, which could lead to a full-on disease further down the line.
Sex is a healthy part of life, but does come with risks. Don’t turn your healthy sex life into an unhealthy one by staying blind to these important facts about sexual health. Here are some common myths about STIs and STDs, along with the real information you need to know to protect yourself.
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If someone has an STD, it means they’ve slept around a lot.
While it is true that the more people you sleep with, the higher your chances are of exposing yourself to an STD, but that doesn’t mean people who have STDs have slept around. You can get an STD the very first time you’re intimate with someone. STD transmission can even occur between mothers and their children, so some people have STDs before they’ve even been sexually active.
Also, we need to get over the stigma around sleeping with several partners. As long as you’re making healthy and informed decisions for yourself, the number of partners you choose to have doesn’t matter.
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STDs are uncommon, so it’s unlikely you’ll get one.
Most people don’t realize just how common STDs are. According to the most recent research from the Centers for Disease Control, there are 20 million new incidences of STDs each year, and a total of 110 million current infections overall. If you’re sexually active, there’s a very high likelihood that you will get an STD at some point in your life.
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A condom offers complete STD protection.
Condoms do a pretty good job of protecting against STDs, but they can’t protect you completely. They don’t protect the entire genital region of both partners, so you’re still at risk if you have skin-to-skin contact at the base of your penis, on your testicles, or on your thighs. Condoms also don’t offer protection during all types of oral sex. (You’ll need a dental dam or a condom for that.) Plus, there’s a lot of user error with condoms. People sometimes put on condoms incorrectly or put them on after playing a game of “just the tip” for a few minutes. Oh, and they also break.
However, it’s still essential to use condoms. They offer a good amount of protection and are your main defense against contracting an STD. You just need to make sure to use them correctly and be aware that they’re not foolproof.
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4. The pill protects against STDs.
This is a really common, but completely untrue myth. The pill does absolutely nothing to protect against STDs. Same goes for the ring, IUDs, diaphragms, or implants. You need a physical barrier to prevent STD transmission.
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You can’t get an STD from oral sex.
STDs are transmitted through skin-to-skin contact or the exchange of bodily fluids. Both of these things happen with oral sex. A lot of people think of oral sex as “less serious” than intercourse, which is why this myth persists, but you can definitely transmit STDs through oral sex.
If you want to protect yourself from STDs during oral sex, you’ll need to use a condom or a dental dam. A lot of people don’t like the idea of using protection during oral sex, but it’s absolutely necessary if you want to ensure that you don’t get an STD.
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Both my partner and I have been tested, so it’s safe for us to have unprotected sex.
Here’s one of the most unfortunate realities about STDs: You can’t test for all of them. In particular, there’s no reliable test for HPV in men, which also happens to be one of the most common STDs. Making things even more complicated, a lot of STDs can lay dormant in your system for months or even years before becoming active. You can test negative for STDs, but still have one lurking in your system.
Even if both you and your partner have been tested, and the test results don’t show any STDs, one or both of you may still be infected. If you don’t want to get an STD, you may want to consider only having unprotected sex with a long-term, committed partner.
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You can only get an STD if your partner has a visible outbreak.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “Well, my partner’s genitals looked fine, so I thought we were OK.” A visual inspection is not a reliable way to keep yourself protected from STDs. One of the biggest challenges of STDs is that not all of them are symptomatic. Millions of people have STDs without having any idea.
Plus, not all STDs have visible symptoms. Most people think that STDs are visually obvious, like a herpes sore or a genital wart, but that’s just not the case. For example, you can have HPV and have no visible or physical symptoms. The bottom line is that a visual inspection is worthless when it comes to knowing whether or not your partner has an STD or is contagious.
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I’ll know if I have an STD.
As I mentioned above, many STDs are asymptomatic. You can go for years without having an outbreak or a symptom. Many people will have an STD and never have any symptoms from it. So just as a visual inspection of your partner isn’t a great way to keep yourself safe, neither is a visual inspection of yourself. Regular testing is the best way to determine if you have an STD, but remember, even that isn’t foolproof. (Frustrating, I know!)
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No one will ever want to date me if I have an STD.
No one wants to have an STD, but it doesn’t make you a leper if you do have one. With the prevalence of STDs, there’s a high likelihood you’ve already dated someone who had one—and if you’re actively dating, you’ll almost certainly date someone in the future who has one. While it’s true that there can be a stigma around people who have STDs, education about them is changing. More people know that contracting one isn’t an indicator of promiscuity and a lot of people are more understanding and realistic about STDs than you might realize. There are even dating sites specifically for people who want to be upfront about having an STD.
Keep in mind that most STDs are curable or manageable. HIV is the most serious STD, and even in that instance, advances in treatment have transformed it into a manageable disease. You want to do everything you can to keep yourself protected, and of course it’s frustrating and upsetting to get an STD, but it’s not the end of the world—or your sex life—if you do get one.
