7 Ways Too Much Porn Can Affect Your Sex Life

It gives you unrealistic expectations of sex…

A lot of men forget that porn is meant to be entertainment. Just like the movies don’t typically show what real life is like, porn doesn’t typically show what real sex is like. The problem is that most people fail to understand the important distinction between porn sex and real sex. They don’t realize all of the planning and communication that happens behind the scenes. They don’t know about the tremendous amount of work that goes into helping the male actors get and stay hard, helping the female actors get lubricated, and helping everyone have orgasms at the right time. They don’t realize that scenes are planned based on getting good angles or that clips are edited together to make a scene seem like it lasts longer. 

Most of all, they don’t realize that the actors in porn films are usually, well, acting. Even if you rationally understand that porn sex isn’t real sex, seeing sex depicted in this way over and over again naturally starts to change your expectations of what sex should be like. If you’re consciously or subconsciously trying to imitate porn sex, you’re going to end up having some pretty bad sex. 

…and it gives you unrealistic expectations about what she wants.

Porn is primarily made by men, for men. It shows the activities that men find the most arousing. But most women don’t want to have porn-style sex in real life. For example, most women want a lot more foreplay than porn typically shows. Most women can’t orgasm from intercourse in real life, but in porn, they always do. And of course, there’s the classic porn oral sex move where the guy basically motorboats a woman’s clitoris. I’ve never heard of a more universally despised sex move amongst women, but so many men continue to do it because they see it in porn! If you try to base your sexual performance on porn, it’s not likely that you’re going to pleasure her. 

It can disconnect you from your body.

Most men zone out while they’re masturbating to porn. You might get lost in the scenes in front of you and go through the motions of masturbation, but if porn takes up all of your attention, you start to lose your relationship with your body. This can start to decrease your body confidence and affect your sexual performance. 

Good sex requires you to pay attention to your body and know how to get yourself aroused without porn. You need to be able to learn when you’re close to orgasm and how to delay or speed your orgasm up depending on what you want in that particular moment. If you’re constantly zoning out while watching porn, you lose those important connections.

It can give you performance problems.

If you get used to watching porn every single time you masturbate, over time you may find it more and more difficult to get an erection without porn. You’re basically training your body to require porn in order to feel aroused and stimulated. You might be OK with that on your own, but it can turn into a big problem if you want to be with a partner. 

A lot of men who are overly reliant on porn eventually develop erectile dysfunction. It becomes difficult to get or stay hard when you don’t have your trusty porn nearby. Similarly, watching porn every single time you masturbate can train your body to need that stimulation in order to reach orgasm. If you watch too much porn, you may find it much more challenging to orgasm in the absence of that stimuli. Try to curb this issue by alternating masturbating with porn and without it. 

It can harm your relationship.

Watching too much porn can decrease your sex drive for a partner and can contribute to increased distance in your relationship. You may find it more tempting to turn to porn and your laptop instead of to your partner, especially if things are tense between you and your partner. A laptop and a porn flick don’t have their own complicated emotions, needs, or boundaries like a human being does. I hear from so many women who think their partner enjoys watching porn more than they enjoy being with her. 

It can become a coping mechanism.

For a lot of men, porn becomes something more than just a masturbation aid. It becomes their primary stress relief and emotional outlet. I have asked male clients to track what they were feeling before they started watching porn and they reported feeling things like sadness, frustration, and anxiety just as often as horniness. Men are socialized to believe they’re not supposed to express their feelings (or even have them in the first place), so most don’t have great coping mechanisms for processing emotions when they do arise. A lot of men don’t even realize they’re using porn as a way to cope with emotional issues.

It can become compulsive.

Whether or not porn is addictive is a controversial topic, but there’s no denying that it is really easy to reach for porn, especially if you don’t have other outlets for your sexual desire or emotions. A lot of men find themselves watching porn and masturbating multiple times a day, even to the point where it starts to interfere with daily activities. Conversely, you may find yourself watching porn even at times when you can’t masturbate, like when you’re in the bathroom, in bed trying to go to sleep, or even at work. 

You can have a healthy relationship with porn; you just have to be thoughtful about your usage. If you notice any of the above side effects, it’s definitely time to consider decreasing your porn consumption or seeking advice from a professional.