7 Sex Tips You Can Actually Learn From Porn, According to an Adult Film Star

Focus on Foreplay—but Don’t Treat It Like a Deleted Scene

As Hart puts it, most of the porn you’re seeing is very penis-centric—so if you’re planning to get tips on pleasing the ladies, porn might not be the best source material.

Most porn, Hart says, is just “two minutes of foreplay and then, ‘We’re just f*cking now.’ That’s not what a lot of people’s bodies can do.”

What you’re often missing is the behind-the-scenes aspects of porn production. “Most studios don’t show the process of getting lubed up, but there’s so much involved to prepare that is deemed societally unsexy. That is super important, but it’s not a real expectation.”

Hart stresses that many women need a lot more foreplay to get themselves warmed up for sex than what you see onscreen. “Bodies are very finicky sometimes and some of them require a lot of preparation; they need different levels of care. A lot of people, especially people who don’t have a lot of sexual experience, can look at porn and think, ‘Okay, this is how it’s supposed to happen.’” It’s not, so lay on the foreplay and listen to what she, and her body, are telling you.

Don’t Expect to Become a Marathon Man

If sex were like porn, all men could keep it up for hours through multiple scenes and positions. That’s not even remotely close to reality.

 “People, especially dudes, think that going into porn is a really easy job,” Hart says, “It’s actually really difficult physically.” That level of sexual endurance is normalized in porn—but “it’s important not to hold yourself up to those standards,” she says.

Having sex like a porn star might sound like a worthy goal, but it’s impractical, and it’s not what women are looking for. “Male porn performers are held to very stringent expectations when it comes to keeping themselves hard for a long amounts of time.” Unless a women has learned everything she knows about sex from porn as well, she’s not expecting that from you—so don’t psych yourself out.

Of course, if you’re actually having problems with premature ejaculation, here’s some practical advice about how to last longer in bed, and suggestions on improving your stamina during sex.

Make It About Her

If you want to use porn for sexual education, you need to change up your source material. There’s been a rise in many porn studios that cater to female-friendly porn that produce body-positive, feminist films. These films “focus more on oral sex or fingering—anything that’s not as penis-centric, which is really great to watch,” Hart explains. “You get this idea drilled into your head that penis-in-vagina is what normal sex looks like, but it can be so much more. There’s such a wide breadth of things that derive sexual pleasure.”

So if you’re looking for practical inspiration, turn to pornography that’s produced by women, for women, and you’ll get a better idea of the variety of ways you can please a woman.

Communicate What You Want in Bed

Another thing you’re missing when you watch porn is the discussion that goes into producing a scene. Scenes are designed to look like the performers have gotten caught up in the moment, but everything is planned, scripted, and timed to ensure they’re getting the shots they need when they need them. That kind of scripting requires performers to be very communicative with each other about what they want, Hart says.

“Communication is so key and super underrated,” Hart says. “You should be able to say to your partner, ‘I’d like this done to me,’ or ‘This is the type of foreplay my body likes.’ That’s something I learned to become very good at because there’s a lot of negotiation that happens on set before shooting.”

That includes a discussion about what you want in your roleplay repertoire. “Communication can look like a really hot and steamy conversation before sex,” Hart says. “It doesn’t have to be clinical. For me, there’s nothing hotter than hearing someone ask me, ‘Would you like me to do X, Y, Z to you?’”

Create a Safe Environment to Experiment and Role Play

“One of my favorite parts of my job is that working in porn is a great way to safely explore some of the things that you would never be able to find in your personal life,” Hart says.

But on a more practical note, she’s also had the opportunity to discover aspects of her sexuality that she didn’t know she would like. “I hadn’t done any anal in my personal life and I discovered it in porn. There was definitely a lot of hesitation there, but the porn community is so great because they’ll talk so openly and so transparently about things that a lot of people are embarrassed or shy to talk about and it ended up being a really great experience for me.”

She encourages couples to explore fantasy scenarios that come up in porn to inspire their own experiences. “Not everyone’s into roleplay, but porn is a great place to draw roleplay inspiration because producers are constantly under pressure to think of new and original scenarios and sometimes some really creative stuff comes out,” Hart says.

Create and Respect Boundaries

While exploration is encouraged, it’s okay to draw a line as well. “There’s definitely a difference between the things that I like and turn me on that I do in my personal life, and the things that I can pretend turn me on in porn,” Hart admits.

For example: “A lot of women, I think, feel pressured to like ‘facials’ because you see so many facials in porn with a lot of women who look really pleased about it,” she says. “I’ve met people who do get turned on by it, but I’m not one of them.”

She explains that just because you see something normalized in porn doesn’t mean you’re failing sexually because you’re not into it. And just because she does like something in her personal life, doesn’t mean that all men or women should as well. “Anal is another thing that is extremely poorly represented in porn. A lot of people think it’s just, ‘Okay, well I can just stick my penis in this person’s ass and it’ll be fine.’” But, she explains, “the amount of warmup required for anal is severely underestimated. It’s also not for all bodies. Some people just don’t like it and no matter how many times they try it, it’s just not for them. And that’s okay.”

Always Play It Safe—in Bed and With STI Testing

Safety and consent are sexy, Hart says. “I’m a big advocate for destigmatizing asking about things that may feel a little embarrassing to talk about because a lot of the times, they don’t end up being embarrassing.”

Furthermore, it’s a sign of professionalism.

“I cannot emphasize how important it is to ask for someone’s consent. And it can be turned into dirty talk or foreplay. If you’re feeling hesitant about asking your partner, for instance, ‘I’d like to try anal,’ or ‘I’d like to try this toy,’ you can incorporate that into a foreplay conversation,” Hart suggests.

“There’s a culture around feeling like asking for consent is unsexy and clinical and hard to talk about, but I know that a lot of people, especially women, feel a lot more comfortable and feel really good about their partner when they know that they’re checking in on them,” she adds. “‘Do you like this?’ or ‘Do you want me to keep going?’—that can be really hot.”

Hart is also a big proponent of safe-sex practices. “In the porn industry, we’re very stringent in terms of STI testing. We get tested for everything every two weeks. That’s not something that non-sex workers would have to worry about, but it’s definitely important to always know your status and make sure that you’re getting tested—twice a year is ideal for most people.”