If you’ve been known to troll—er, frequent—female-centric websites for insight on getting her off, odds are good you’ve stumbled across something called a “blended orgasm.”
Something of a unicorn in the world of pleasure, the phenomenon seems elusive and mysterious—and we’re betting you sure as hell wanna get your hands on one.
Well, now’s the time to learn.
Blended orgasms are a mixture of clitoral and G-spot orgasms. As a female orgasm expert, I’ve been getting a lot of questions from my male clients about how to give their partner one, so I’m here to separate fact from fiction and teach you how to maximize her pleasure.
I personally don’t like classifying orgasms. I think it drags us back into the dark age when Freud was arguing that clitoral orgasms were “immature.” Classifying and ranking orgasms inevitably makes women feel inadequate and broken. It makes them feel pressured to perform.
Bottom line: The pleasure your lady feels is most important. The specific “type” of orgasm she has really doesn’t matter.
My advice: Rather than pressuring her to have a blended orgasm, simply keep your focus on giving her internal and external stimulation at the same time. A shockingly small number of men do—or even know how to do—this. The combination of sensations can be mind-blowing for a woman as she fires from multiple erogenous zones.
Here are the best ways to give her dual stimulation.
One of the easiest ways to provide dual stimulation is to put your hands to work. You’ve got two of them, after all. This is an underrated sexual act, so she’ll be impressed by your dexterity.
First, get into a comfortable position, sitting with your back against the headboard of the bed. Then, have her lie on her back between your legs, facing you. (She’ll have to bend her knees and rest her feet flat on the bed.) This position gives you tons of support and leverage, so you can go for a long time without starting to cramp up.
Spend a little time warming her up with caresses all over her body. When she starts squirming for more, use one or two fingers of your dominant hand to focus on her clitoris (I highly recommend using lube to help your fingers glide around on this delicate skin). Since you’ll be using two hands, keep it simple on the clitoris. Try going in circles, or moving your finger diagonally across the surface of the clitoris. Check in with her for feedback about what she likes best—if she doesn’t know, or seems shy, try two different strokes and ask her which one she prefers. Meanwhile, use your other hand to stroke her breasts or thighs.
Once you’ve gotten into a rhythm with her clitoris, you can start to use your non-dominant hand on her internally. There are two different techniques I suggest trying.
First, simply move one or two fingers in and out of her vagina. (Again, a little lube will keep things moving smoothly.) The majority of the nerve endings are in the outer third of her vaginal canal, so try to focus more on that region.
Another option is to aim for the anterior wall of her vaginal canal (the side directly under her abdomen). With your palm facing up, insert one or two fingers, then curl them as if you’re making a “come here” motion. Start stroking the top of her vaginal canal, gradually increasing your pressure. You’re actually stimulating the internal fibers of her clitoris through layers of skin, so you need a fair amount of oomph.
Try each technique, and ask her which she likes best. Once you’ve homed in on her clitoral and internal preferences, keep going. Let her ride that wave.
How to stimulate her with your mouth and hand(s)
When most guys think about oral sex, they think about using their mouths and only their mouths. After all, it’s oral, right? I don’t blame you for the association, but you’re missing out—or, rather, she’s missing out—on a golden opportunity. One of the most frequent pieces of feedback I hear from my female clients is that they want their partners to get their hands involved during oral.
Use your mouth to focus on her clitoris. Again, keep it simple and consistent, with a basic up-and-down or side-to-side lick. With your dominant hand, try the two internal techniques I mentioned above.
If you really want to take the prize, try playing with her vagina with one hand and her anus with the other. Even a little bit of pressure at the anal entrance can send her spiraling into the mother of all orgasms.
How to make her climax with your penis and hands
Here’s another seemingly obvious trick to try, though hardly any men do: Touch her clitoris while you’re having intercourse. Most sex positions don’t create much, if any, clitoral stimulation, so women are rarely able to orgasm from intercourse alone. But this is easily remedied by getting your hands involved.
The easiest way to do this is with her on top. Use your thumb to stroke up and down on her clitoris as she rides you, or keep your thumb still and let her grind against it.
You can also use sex toys to create more intense dual stimulation. Ask her if she has any toys she likes to play with when she’s alone. If she digs one out of her bedside table, ask her to show you how she adjusts the settings the way she likes, then how she uses it on herself.
If she enjoys using a vibrator on her clitoris, you can hold it against her while you use your hand insider her. If she likes using a toy internally, use your hand to focus on her clitoris.
In the beginning, you might feel like you’re trying to do that old pat-your-head-while-rubbing-your-stomach trick. If you feel overwhelmed, relax. Dual stimulation really isn’t that hard to master. And trust me, she’ll appreciate your efforts!
If she doesn’t already have a toy, make that fun purchase together. Hey, a sex toy is a far more exciting Valentine’s Day gift than flowers, with their shelf life of about a week. At least when the vibrator’s batteries die, you can change them—just sayin’.
Vanessa Marin is a sex therapist. Check out her online orgasm course, Finishing School.
