13 kissing techniques to ignite your sex life

One of the biggest kissing complaints I hear from the women in my sex therapy practice is when men go for the kill right away. No one likes feeling attacked. You always want to ease your way into a kiss. Move slowly and use your tongue sparingly for the first few minutes. You want her to want more, not wish for less.

Another major complaint I hear from women is that men are too quick to move on from kissing. She can feel it when you treat kissing like an obligation, or a prerequisite to doing something more exciting. If you treat kissing that way, it’s a good sign that you could stand to improve your technique. Great kissing is meant to be savored.

One of the best qualities in a good kisser is their ability to pay attention, and adapt, to their partner’s kissing style. Is she being passionate or coy? Is she moving slowly or quickly? Is she using a lot of tongue or just a bit? Do your best to match her style, while also mixing things up with your own style.

There’s nothing worse than feeling a man’s body limply hanging next to yours while you’re kissing. Increase the intensity of your kisses by putting your body to work. Press your body against hers. Wrap her up in your arms. Pull her closer to you.

In particular, make sure to put your hands to good use. Run your hands up and down her back and shoulders. Lightly hold her head in your hands. Run your thumb along her lower lip. Or try tracing a fingertip along the side of her neck, from her jawbone to her collarbone.

I know it sounds cliché, but most women love having their hair played with, especially during a makeout session. Put your hand at the nape of her neck, with your fingers spread wide. Slowly rake your hand up the base of her head, lightly scratching her scalp with your fingertips. Then, pull your fingers together so you’re gently tugging at her hair—or hold her face with your hands, and run your fingers through the hair behind her ears.

Take little breaks from kissing, and glide your lips horizontally against hers, brushing against them without fully kissing them. This is a great move to use at the beginning or end of a makeout session, or as a way to break up the action.

Pay separate attention to her upper and lower lip. Alternate between kissing each individually.

Pull her bottom lip between your lips and very gently nibble on it for a second before releasing. The key word is gentle! You want to tease her, not draw blood.

Alternately, you can pull one of her lips between yours and very lightly suck on it. Do this for just a second before letting go.

Don’t keep your eyes open the entire time you’re kissing; that’s just creepy. But do take little breaks from kissing to pull back and make eye contact with her for a brief moment. Eye contact feels really vulnerable for most people, so this move can set her ablaze.

Most women love to be teased, and kissing is a fantastic way to tease. Right as things are getting hot and heavy, pull back and stop kissing her. Make eye contact, and give her a sly smile, but don’t do anything else. Make her move toward you to start kissing again. Or you can kiss all around her mouth, without kissing her lips directly. It’s up to you how long you want to make her squirm.

You don’t have to limit your kisses to her mouth. Explore other areas of her body, too. Try unusual places, like her elbows, collarbone, or ankles. Her neck, ears, and breasts are obvious places to go—but even from there, explore. Try kissing the back of her neck, or the underside of her breast.