We’ve all heard the expression “men are from Mars, women are from Venus,” and when it comes to things like asking for directions or hashing it out with a friend, the idiom is spot-on. But when it comes to the insecurities and doubts when it comes to dating, it turns out that the two sexes aren’t all that different. Everyone feels insecure about one thing or another when kindling a new romance—even the most beautiful and seemingly confident women. Yes, that’s right, guys, the chicks you’re dating are just as unsure of themselves as you are. That takes some of the pressure off, right?
To help you better understand what’s going through her head—so you’ll know exactly how to reassure her that you’re into her—we asked 16 women about their dating insecurities. Read on to find out what they said.
“When I first meet a guy that I’ve connected with through a dating app I’m always nervous that he’ll think I’m less attractive in person than I am in my photos. I try to give a fair representation of myself online, but you never can tell how others will view you.” — Jenn, IL
“When first dating a new guy I always worry that he’ll think I’m high maintenance so I’ll say “yes!” to basically anything. I once walked over three miles in 4-inch heels because I was afraid that the guy would think I was too prissy if I turned down his suggestion to go for a stroll after drinks.” — Beth, RI
“It makes me squirm when I’m seeing a guy that can’t seem to let go of his phone. Funny how when we are apart you can take hours between texts but when we’re together the phone doesn’t leave your hand. Is our date really that awful?” — Megan, NJ
“Going for drinks is one of the most common first dates. The problem is, I don’t drink. I’m fine hanging out at a bar and getting a soda or a water, but I’m always nervous how my date will react when I tell him that I won’t be getting in on the happy hour special, too.” — Sophia, NH
5. That We Won’t Be Sexually Attracted to Each Other
“I have been in several relationships, two of which I thought would blossom romantically but never did. Now when I date, I am fearful of getting stuck in the same trap of wasting time on someone great who I just don’t have romantic chemistry with.” — Jesse, NY
“When you first meet someone you always notice their best features. However, once you spend more time together their physical flaws become more apparent. I’m always nervous a guy who asked me out because he thought I was attractive will lose interest once he realizes the things about my appearance that are less than perfect. — Charlotte, TX
“I’m a pretty gullible person and I also tend to only see the best in people. On the dating scene, this combination can be a recipe for disaster—and embarrassment. I’m always nervous that guys will tell me what I want to hear and I’ll fall for their bull. Not only can this wind up burning me in the end, I worry it will make me look stupid.” — Anna, WV
“I tend to unintentionally lose weight when I’m in the dating game because I’m super insecure about eating in front of the guy. What if I get food stuck in my teeth? Am I eating too much? How am I going to fit that sandwich in my mouth? What do I do if he asks me a question and I’m not finished chewing? I know it’s ridiculous, but I guess I haven’t mastered the art of eating sexily.” — Jess, NJ
“I don’t wear a ton of makeup or anything but I’m always insecure about how the guy will think I look after I wake up in his bed for the first time. Will I get makeup all over his pillowcase? Will my hair look like I stuck my finger in a socket? Will he think I’m a total dog when I’m not done up? These are the crazy thoughts that fly through my head.” — Danielle, OH
“When dating someone new, I’m always nervous the guy will think I’m an overachiever and won’t support my life plans. I’m extremely ambitious and I’ve had past experiences where guys haven’t been understanding of what I want to accomplish.” — Hailey, MI
“My primary dating insecurity is coming off too aggressive. You want to get as much information as you can when you first meet someone, but not come off like a crazy person. You want to know if you’re on the same page when it comes to values, religion, kids—all the important stuff—and don’t want to waste time if you’re not aligned. But you can’t exactly ask those things on a first date without sending the guy running! —Christina, MA
“In the past, as soon as the relationship starts to become serious that’s when it ends. Now when I date I’m afraid that every guy only wants me sexually and doesn’t care to get to know me as a person.” — Kathy, MI
“Once I’m in a relationship, I love to plan dates and surprises for my guy. But in the early stages of dating, I hate planning dates because I’m nervous that he won’t have fun. What if I choose the restaurant and then his meal is terrible? Will he just laugh it off or will he then always associate me with food poisoning? Ha! That’s a joke… sort of.” — Amanda, PA
“During the getting-to-know-you phase of dating, I dread the “what do you do for work?” question. I’m insecure talking about my job because even though I love it, I recognize that it’s not the most exciting occupation. I don’t want the guy to judge me by my career and assume that I’m boring. I’m fun, I swear!” — Steph, AZ
“It’s taken me awhile to break into my industry of choice because it’s super competitive. I do a lot of freelance work but I don’t have a full-time job. For that reason, I’m always worried guys will think I’m dumb or just looking for a man to take care of me. That’s so not the case, but I know it may come off that way.” — Emma, CA
