The no-nos of picking up women in bars are fairly obvious. Don’t go after girls wearing wedding rings. Don’t use a cheesy pickup line. And don’t stare at her cleavage while she’s talking (or at least don’t get caught doing it).
Online dating, on the other hand, is a bit more nuanced. In fact, it just may be easier to repel a potential partner virtually than it is in person. Here, 10 blunders you don’t even realize you’re making—and how to turn it all around.
Mistake #1: Including a laundry list of turnoffs in your profile. “No one wants to date a guy who’s too judgmental,” says Julie Spira, author of The Perils of Cyber-Dating and CEO of CyberDatingExpert.com. A smarter tactic: Mention the traits you do want in a girlfriend. You’ll seem way less negative.
Mistake #2: Saying you want a “drama-free” woman. How cliché. But worse, it’s a sign you’ve got lots (and lots) of ex baggage. “A woman will realize you have unresolved issues from past relationships and probably take a pass,” explains Spira. Again, stick to naming the positive qualities you seek.
Mistake #3: Bringing up sex in your profile. Include that, and the ladies may think that’s all you care about. Worried you’ll wind up with a prude? Don’t. “Women know that intimacy’s part of the package if the relationship moves forward,” says Spira.
Mistake #4:Posting profile pictures taken with a flash. An OkCupid study found that bright light adds seven years to your face, drawing eyes to the very wrinkles and blemishes you’re hoping no one will notice. Instead, take profile photos in the late afternoon in soft, natural lighting—study participant rated those as the most attractive.
Mistake #5: Posting camera-phone pictures. Even crystal-clear iPhone photos don’t make you look as great as the pics from most point-and-shoot digital cameras, according to OkCupid’s research. But your best bet for seducing women: posting profile shots from a high-end camera with an interchangeable lens.
Mistake #6: IMing right away. “Many women don’t like receiving IMs from men whose profiles they haven’t read yet,” says Spira. So start the dialogue with an e-mail to give her a chance to check out your details. And hold off on IMing until you’ve exchanged a few e-mails.
Mistake #7: Using middle-school texting words when you get in touch. Erase these from your online vocabulary: ur, r, u, ya, and cant (without the apostrophe). According to OkCupid, messages with those “words” get replies less than 10% of the time (ouch). The average response rate: 32%. You’re better off spelling things out like a grown-ass man.
Mistake #8: Telling a woman she’s hot, sexy, or beautiful. OkCupid discovered that messages with those words receive responses 25% of the time or less. That’s because focusing on the physical makes a woman feel you’re not interested in getting to know the real her, explains Spira. What to say, then? “Mention something else you admired about her profile,” suggests Spira.
Mistake #9: Waiting too long to ask her out. “Take your relationship from online to offline after a few e-mails,” recommends Spira. If there’s chemistry after one phone chat, set a date to meet in person. “Otherwise, you’ll end up with a digital pen-pal,” which isn’t quite the point of online dating.
Mistake #10: Ruling out older women. Sure, the spring chicks may be hotter than the almost over-the-hill-set, but man, are you missing out. OkCupid found its 30-something female members are more likely than the 18 – 29-year-olds to enjoy sex, engage in casual sex, and give blow jobs. Some things really do get better with age…
